Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
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