Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
