then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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