we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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