So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
