His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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