What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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