you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
