I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I supernannyed him into submission
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
