i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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