I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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