I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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