found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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