critical mistake not lubing the nipples
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
