No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
