please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize