apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
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the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
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This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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