That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
