If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
