Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
