So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
