Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
