Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize