my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
