His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
