FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
His nipple licking is glorious
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