its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
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Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
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Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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