i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
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