yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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