I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We need to rekindle our bromance
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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