In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Why are your pants in the freezer?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
