new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
