dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
