Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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