i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
