I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
sex in a hospital.. check
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
