then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
