i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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