Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
we're so committed to being not committed
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
