Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
