Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
