Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
