if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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