$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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