What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
