Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
