I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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