any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
