well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
