Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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