And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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