it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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