What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I came so hard my ears popped.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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