Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
