she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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