when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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