I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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