dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
