I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
