Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
