people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
