I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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