Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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