so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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