Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
nutella sex= disaster
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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