If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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