Plan B is the new Plan A
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Still dying that you shit outside
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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