I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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