I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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