so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
