Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Dick very happy bro
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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