I hate your face
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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