And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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