What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
